She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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