Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
