I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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