tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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