DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
