One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
