at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
