you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
