Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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