You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
