Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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