my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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