batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
