He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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