My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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