There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
