Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
