Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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