She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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