Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
