i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
