My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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