Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
