That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
