Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
