how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
