i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
