Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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