check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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