I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
