My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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