There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
