and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
