my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
