the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
