So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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