I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
