I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
