I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is Oprah even human
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
