Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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