He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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