when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
