Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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