You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize