so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
