I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
