just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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