Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dicks are not precious.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
