got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
