pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
