oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
