I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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