ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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