I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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