I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
