if i can run in heels then i can drive
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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