so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
