Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize