I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
