i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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