we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
