dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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