you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
