So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
