..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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