So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize