I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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