Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
