I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
