He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it's like iHOP with fire
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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