Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
