if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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