You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
