woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
