you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize