seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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