Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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