my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
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There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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