dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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