Someone shit on the floor
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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